our identity

Self-care

diversity in the home

I believe so many parents misinterpret what bringing diversity in the home really entails, thinking they need to adopt a foreign culture, will risk losing their heritage, or will accidentally teach their child the wrong thing about that culture. As our world reveals growing signs of racial injustice and hate, parents have a duty to expose their children to diverse cultures. This holds true to Dr. Montessori's belief that children are citizens of the world and ambassadors of peace. How can parents cultivate this without appropriating* it?
through books that celebrate diversity: There are SO MANY! Don't get caught up in only the ones that talk about adversity that is faced because of diversity. There are great books about other common themes with diverse faces, too. Here are some of our favorites at casa de Stephens.
through your meals: incorporate different meals from around the world in your weekly meals. When we have food from different parts of the world, I show my older daughter where on the map the food is from. While we prepare and eat the food, I turn on music from that part of the world.
through your music: you can stream playlists from virtually any part of the world—no matter what your mood is! Play lullabies while they sleep, learn and sing children's songs in another language, play freeze dance or have a dance party, put on instrumentals in the background. All of these have countless options from all continents!
through your television shows: this is the same as music! Now that you can stream any and everything, incorporate shows of diverse characters in your/your child's viewing rotation. Netflix has a genre called Representation Matters with a great array of options.
through your ventures: there are always cultural local events that are welcome to all! Art shows, dance exhibits, parades, holidays, and other celebrations are great ways to experience diversity first-hand.
*cultural appropriation is something you don't want to mess with. While well-intended, many people can commit this by disrespectfully (or mindlessly) taking aspects of others' cultures as their own (i.e. wearing a bindhi, getting tribal tattoos, dressing in the native dress, etc.).

boundaries

I have always told parents that it's okay to tell your child "no." In fact, the bulk majority of my conferences with parents as a teacher and an administrator revolved around this point. The truth is that this is a direct issue of boundaries rather than the indirect symptom of "no." Yes, you have to be willing to say, "no," but there is so much more to it. Which is better? Answer by looking at the two pictures, considering the backstory: 1) Your child is learning how to ride his bike, so you give him a bike and tell him, "Off you go! Have fun." 2) Your child is learning how to ride a bike, and you give him all necessary tools (bike, helmet, training wheels, a safe riding area) plus adequate supervision.
Picture
Boundaries do not have to translate to "no" every time. In fact, they should mainly communicate, "So, you want to do _____. Here's how you can do it in a way that is safe and appropriate." Boundaries give the underlying message of trust to a child. Boundaries offer freedom within limits, and a parent's task is to figure out how to create this for the child. Here are some examples:

punishment vs. discipline

Time out, grounded, spanking, taking away, writing "I will not" sentences 100 times are all forms of punishment. Though well-intended, punishments invoke fear and can cause more damage than good. Did you know that part of the word discipline is disciple? To disciple means to teach-not punish. Whew! As supporters, we must utilize discipline to nourish the child's whole development. Natural consequences are excellent companions to discipline, teaching children that poor choices can have directly-related effects. Let's use the example of the toddler who is spitting at the table. After giving a warning to the child about the rule and consequence that will follow if it continues, you follow through, by telling the child that they are done, removing their food and politely asking them to leave the table. Your discipline, though perhaps seemingly harsh (it's not, don't worry), communicates to the child, "spitting is not allowed at the table, and when I spit, I cannot be at the table." Whether your child is finished or not, you stick to your words. It is up to you to decide if you'd like to invite the child back to the table at a later time or not for that meal—I don't... trust me, they are not going to starve after leaving this one meal. Plus they were already finished eating and playing for this very reason. With repetition of the expectations and follow through, natural consequences create safe boundaries for children.

​OBSERVATION

Observation is one of the most important tasks needed to support a child's development and also one of the most forgotten tasks by adults. Why? Because it requires us to stop what we are doing, sit back and seemingly do nothing. Don't believe this lie! More than any person in our child's life, we (parents) have to take time to stop, sit back, and watch! These are the moments that create memories. They also help us to better understand our child's desires, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, and overall being. Take time to enjoy your child.

Though it's not necessary to record observations in the home setting, reflecting on your observations can help you support your child. Observations are objective and factual. Sometimes, your purpose in observation is to simply absorb the facts with no necessary response. Other times, your observations can lead to more ways to support your child. The record below gives an account of a 5 minute observation of my son (which is also here for you to enjoy). Initially, it may not look like much, but I learned so much about him in this short period of time. Note: it’s not necessary to record your observations as a parent. Mental notes will suffice. Be sure to use them to support your child’s developmental needs.

alternatives to negative language